Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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