My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize