I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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