All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
