I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
