I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
