I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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