You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
