Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
