go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
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