Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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