Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
