I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
