you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
