fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
3 2 1 whiskey
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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