Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
