talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
