I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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