12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
