did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
