who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
