He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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