I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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