I wannas sexs uuuuu
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
