This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
