It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
