Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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