yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
