I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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