im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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