i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm having to shit out rocks
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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