We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
