I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
