I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
