I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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