At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
