just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
