Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
