Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
