I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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