we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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