I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
