this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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