Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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