is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
