i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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