I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Of course I have a pirate flag
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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