I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize