He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
