some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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