you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
me + whiskey = a bad person
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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