You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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