Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
