the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize