Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
