Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
