She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
