how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
