do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize