Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize