If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
