i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
