Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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