They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My ass is underappreciated
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
