I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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