if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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