So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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