I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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