Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
