Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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