dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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