i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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