Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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