dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
