dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize