I think scott just propositioned me for sex
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
