Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
