I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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