Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize