By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
