All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize