the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
