She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
