im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
