If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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