Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
