i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
