Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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