i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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