Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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