..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
