the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize