3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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