Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
it hurts more in the daytime
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
